It's Clear, For Authentic Relationships You Need To Check In With Others

Episode 146: It's Clear, For Authentic Relationships You Need To Check In With Others

Show Description: When you check in with others, you are showing them they matter to you. This helps to build authentic relationships. Here's how to do it.

Top Takeaways:

·         [2:33] The How And When Of Checking On Others

·         [3:55] The Art Of Checking In

o   [4:35] Timing 

o   [5:02] Words Are Powerful

o   [5:37] Be Compassionate

o   [6:09] Don’t Push 

·         [6:52] What Checking In Looks Like

o   [7:26] A Text Message 

o   [7:52] An Ear to Hear 

o   [8:24] An Alternate Perspective 

o   [8:57] Be of Service 

o   [9:24] Knowing When to Get Help 

·         [10:05] Moving Forward

Episode Links:

Ø  https://terrikozlowski.mastermind.com/masterminds/25609 

Ø  check in with oneself 

Ø  enables communication 

Ø  Encourages others

Ø  thorough response

Ø  things can trigger 

Ø  behavior

Ø  you speak

Ø  Be compassionate

Ø  inspired

Ø  everyone is different

Ø  set boundaries

Ø  listen

Ø  be of service

Ø  taking action 

Ø  edit your life

Ø  available on Amazon

Transcript

Hello Warriors,  

• Are you looking to take the drama out of your life? 
• Do you know how to set personal boundaries with others?
• I have the course that you asked for, The Guide to Setting Personal Boundaries, where you’ll learn what they are, why they’re essential, and how to set them as a part of your self-care routine.    
• https://terrikozlowski.mastermind.com/masterminds/25609 
• The link is in the show notes.
• Don’t allow other people’s drama to affect your life. 
• Now let's start this week's episode.

Episode 146: It's Clear, For Authentic Relationships You Need To Check In With Others

The ability to check in with oneself and the people around you is powerful. 

·         It’s the ideal time to promote mental health during May’s Mental Health Awareness Month. 

·         Asking the individuals in your life how they're doing and paying close attention to their response is one approach to do this. 

·         By checking in, you may make them feel supported and show them you are a resource they can depend on. 

·         You can do this in person, over the phone, via email, text, and more. 

·         A little work can go a long way!

Why do you need to check in? 

·         Because checking in with others has several benefits. 

·         Checking in with others enables communication and can grow authentic bonds between people. 

·         You can open up and express yourself more clearly about your life by checking in. 

·         Understanding one another's accomplishments and shortcomings can be a potent opportunity for personal or group learning and development.

It brings back a sense of social connection. 

·         Encourages others to follow suit and perhaps check in on a loved one by allowing folks to feel comforted they are not alone. 

·         Inspires you to take care of yourself. 

·         The most significant person in your life is you! It releases the happy hormones that are released when you feel good about helping others. 

·         It can be the one factor that prompts someone to reach out and request assistance that they wouldn’t have done without your compassion.

[2:33] The How And When Of Checking On Others

Perhaps the easiest questions for someone to avoid thoroughly responding to are closed inquiries like "Are you ok?" In general, open-ended inquiries are more likely to elicit a thorough response.

Even an open-ended query like "How are you? People often give the response, "I'm fine" to acknowledge the multiple layers of social protocol. 

Deeper open-ended queries include those like "How is work?" and "What have the kids been up to?"

If you think something is wrong, you may observe a shift in the other person. 

This observation might prompt you to inquire about their true well-being if you see that they have withdrawn or are acting differently than normal.

Many different things can trigger check-ins. 

·         Someone hasn't contacted you in a long time. 

·         Recently, you wondered about them and how they were doing. 

·         The symptoms of depression, anxiety, loneliness, or another mental health condition are being displayed by someone you know. 

·         Someone is about to experience something that could be upsetting or stressful. 

·         These are all acceptable justifications for checking in on someone.

Although there is no one ideal time to check in, when done frequently, check-ins gain significant power. 

Depending on who you're checking in on, the best timetable varies!

[3:55] The Art Of Checking In

At any time of the year, it's critical to speak with a friend, a member of your family, a coworker, or an employee about whom you have concerns. 

Asking, "Are you OK?" when you see a change in someone's behavior or mood can make a big impact on the life of someone who is struggling with their mental health or other problems with their personal, financial, or romantic relationships.

It might be intimidating to make the first move when you realize something is wrong, even though most people will agree that asking "How are you?" can start significant conversations. 

You can become ready for these chats with the aid of a few pointers and techniques.

1. [4:35] Timing - Making sure you choose sure a cozy setting that fosters a sense of emotional safety can increase the likelihood of open, trustworthy interactions. 
   1. It can make all the difference whether someone is willing to open up or not if you wait until you are out of earshot of others or leave your desk for a hot beverage. 
   2. Before approaching someone, think about where you believe they will feel most at ease.
2. [5:02] Words Are Powerful- When you speak matters just as much as what you say. 
   1. Consider what worries you for a moment and list a few instances of behaviors or changes you have seen. 
   2. Instead of concentrating on how you believe they are feeling, try to concentrate on what you have seen. 
   3. "I saw you yell at Sue in the meeting the other morning and I thought, that's not like you. 
   4. Is everything OK?" is probably more well-liked than, "You're acting incredibly irritable right now.”
3. [5:37] Be Compassionate- Because you don't feel you have everything you need to help, you may sometimes put off talking to someone about whom you’re worried. 
   1. It's crucial to understand that you don't have to be an expert and that you don't have to have all the answers. 
   2. Be compassionate about what the person is experiencing. 
   3. Prepare yourself to listen, and be aware of the various information and support sources that are accessible in case they require them. 
4. [6:09] Don’t Push - Even when you express your concerns, sometimes they don’t want to share. 
   1. However, if you check in sincerely, you can let the other person know you care and can help solidify your relationship. 
   2. Additionally, you're letting them know they may talk to you if they ever need help. You might leave them to consider their position. 
   3. Once a friend asked me how I was doing and voiced his concerns. 
   4. At the time, I didn't think twice about it, but looking back, I had to stop and wonder why he would have asked that. 
   5. I began to question, "Am I really doing OK?" It was a reality check that inspired me to put my well-being first.

[6:52] What Checking In Looks Like

What does "checking in" look like in practice? 

·         It can appear in a variety of ways. 

·         Based on the things that friends have done for me that have made a difference and genuinely helped, here are some ways it might appear. 

·         Which approach you use will rely on a variety of variables, including your relationship with the person, how close you are to them, and other elements. 

·         Keep in mind that an approach that works with one person may not work at all with another friend as everyone is different. 

1. [7:26] A Text Message- sent by phone, Facebook Messenger, or another method. 
   1. A little note that reads, "I thought of you and just wanted to say hi," can serve as a check-in. 
   2. Your friend might or might not answer. 
   3. They might just say "thank you," inquire about how you're doing, or let you know they need to talk to someone. 
   4. You can set boundaries regarding when you are accessible for a conversation, and if it’s by phone call or in person. 
2. [7:52] An Ear to Hear- Sometimes you just need to talk things out or vent. 
   1. Sometimes all anyone needs to do is put words to how they are feeling or what they are going through. 
   2. Perhaps all your friend is asking is for you to listen. 
   3. Perhaps they don't need advice. 
   4. It's okay if you are aware that you lack the expertise or other skill to contribute anything besides your ears. 
   5. Just be upfront about the fact that you have time and are willing to listen.
3. [8:24] An Alternate Perspective- Don't offer advice unless your friend asks. 
   1. Instead, you can offer a different perspective they may not have thought of. 
   2. By offering a different perspective, you can encourage them to think of potential solutions or alter their thought process, which may be what is needed.  
   3. The situation and its relationship to the resolutions for solving it nearly always have more complexity than they are letting on. 
   4. Count on them to know what is helpful.
4. [8:57] Be of Service - Offer to help if you are both willing and able to accomplish the tasks your friend needs to be done but cannot complete because of limited access to necessary items or other factors. 
   1. I received a message from a buddy who said they were coming over to drop off something but wanted to stop at the grocery store first. 
   2. They asked if they could pick up anything for me. Although it looks insignificant, it is a great check-in and a helpful way to be of service. 
5. [9:24] Knowing When to Get Help - As a good friend, let them know if you believe they could benefit from professional help and, if you can, help them in securing it. 
   1. Sometimes, all it takes is a simple question like, "Have you recently checked in with your partner, therapist, or sponsor about this?" 
   2. These are ways to remind your friend of services they already have and can use, but they might not think of them at the time of a mental health crisis or spiraling illness. 
   3. It's also OK to express your discomfort, fear, or concern for them. 
   4. Keep in mind that the goal of this is to give this person the freedom to accept or reject help, not to force assistance upon them.

[10:05] Moving Forward

It's equally crucial to follow up after a check-in conversation. 

·         Make sure to stay in touch with someone you're worried about if they won't talk to you or if you get worried about them after a conversation. 

·         Showing that you are there for them in times of need and that you care can significantly affect their future well-being.

You'll be more comfortable taking action if you follow these tactics. 

·         I want to give you the knowledge and skills to notice when things aren't quite right, to confidently approach the person and ask, 'How are you?' 

·         And to feel comfortable that you can manage the response, whatever it may be.

As a general rule, I like to check in with people to let them know I'm thinking of them if I haven't spoken to them in a while and they've been on my mind. 

Let's cooperate to look after one another.

Do you need help learning to be more compassionate? 

·         Are you looking for support to empower yourself to see another’s perspective? 

·         Do you want a strategy to help you create an extraordinary life?

·          Contact me at TerriKozlowski.com. 

·         Together, we can create an action plan for you to edit your life.

To hear about how I learned to allow myself to be compassionate, you can do so by reading my book, Raven Transcending Fear, available on Amazon, or by visiting RavenTranscendingFear.com.